Rebecca Black's song "Friday"...Maybe NOT the Worst Song Ever?

"Friday, Friday, sing stupid crap on Friday"!

The hottest buzz online is over some little pop tart named Rebecca Black and her tune "Friday". Most of the stories online said it was the worst song ever!  Really?  The WORST…EV-UR!?  Naturally, I had to see for myself, so I fired up youtube and subjected myself to her horrible video.

 My gosh, it's bad.  The kind of bad that one usually associates with food poisoning and herpes combined.  Yes, it REALLY is a horrid song and video, but the WORST?  I got to thinking about some of the garbage that's been foisted on the public over the years, and believe I have come up with ten songs that could possibly, maybe, ALMOST be as bad as Rebecca Black's "Friday"…if not WORSE!!!!! 

See for yourself.  (By the way, I am not liable for any injuries that may result from listening to this music!)

1) William Shatner - "Mr. Tambourine Man"
Uh…you just have to hear it to believe it!  Shatner does for music what red hot fire pokers do for your ass!!  I'm confident in saying that if this is the kind of stuff Captain Kirk were known for throughout the galaxy, he would have been spaced after performing 30 seconds of this song!

2) Gwen Stefani - "Hollaback Girl"
Truly one of the most annoying songs in history!  This proves that the brains behind the great music of "No Doubt" doubtless came from the other members of the band!  This is an audio abortion!  In the video, Gwen is  a 35 year old woman trying to pull off a high school look!  This is NOT 90210 Gwen, leave that crap for Tori Spelling!  EPIC FAIL!!

3) William Hung - "Hotel California"
I should probably be shot for including this bastardization of an Eagles classic, but damn folks, we ARE talking about some seriously EVIL music here! There's no denying it, William Hung is the devil's retarded stepchild when it comes to awful tunes.  Watch if you dare….

4) Justin Bieber - "Baby"
Justin Bieber is a no-talent hack.  Ok, he's a rich, no-talent hack.  I don't think that anyone will argue that he has zero musical talent, that this song is a study in inane lyrics and that Ludacris is now officially a bitch for singing in this song.  Nor will you argue it's proof positive that ice picks to the ears are a viable option to Bieber's "music"…

5) Wing - "Back In Black"
I must admit, I would never have heard of Wing had she not been featured in an episode of "South Park".  As I watched the cartoon, I thought she was merely another creation of Matt Stone and Trey Parker for the show.  To my amazement, Wing actually is a product of…well…maybe a black ops genetic experiment gone mad!  She's REAL!!!  Curse you Parker and Stone for spreading her fame!!! 

6) Tiny Tim - "Tiptoe Through The Tulips"
I had to go back a few decades for this one.  In case you've never heard of Tiny Tim, he was a man that looked like a zombie child molester (A molester of child zombies y'all.  Let me clarify that), who played a ukelele, and sang in a high-pitched falsetto voice that suggested his testicles were lost in a farm accident.  If you combined the DNA of Morticia Addams and Stevie Nicks, you'd have THIS! 

7) Eddie Murphy - "Party All the Time"
In the 80's, Eddie Murphy was one of the biggest comedy talents on the planet and Rick James was at the top of his game in the music biz.  Put them together and you have…DOG CRAP ON A STICK!!!  If Rebecca Black's lyrics in "Friday" annoyed the hell outta you, then prepare for an audio onslaught to your intelligence with this classic!  In the words of Rick James, "Cocane is a POWERFUL DRUG!!!"  I wonder what Eddie was on though…

8) Emily Osment - "Lovesick"
A sampling of the lyrics says it all! 

We're so mono
Together we can be stereo
St-st-st- stereo, LOVE
You look so low, low
Together we could get high, high-five
St-st-st-stereo

Boom boom, super sonic, Boom super sonic, Boom
You make my heart go ( You make my heart go)
Boom boom, super sonic, boom super sonic, boom
You make my heart go ( Super sonic boom, super sonic boom)

Ok, the video is slickly done.  It's pretty and shiny and everything looks colorful, but Emily Osment…well you can't polish a turd folks, no matter how much you try.  Her voice is so flat and overdone with electronic effects, you have to wonder if she's a cyborg with an Eveready D-Cell up her ass.  Oh…and she looks like her brother…but with a rack.  BLEH!

9) Lady Gaga - "Paparazzi"
AKA: "Madonna 2.0".  Everything she does has been done before!  Yet another pop diva that relies on formulaic music, hackneyed lyrics and more than ANYTHING else, shock value.  When your music sucks, you show up on stage wearing a meat dress.  Truth be told, I could have picked any song of hers for this blurb, but this was the first one that came up on youtube so I didn't bother looking any further.  Lucky me.  Not only does she sound like Madonna, she does overblown videos like Michael Jackson.  And could someone tell me WTF is going on in the vid?!?!?

10) Paska - "Oh Shit!"
What do you say about a recording artist whose Wikipedia entry starts with:

"'Women Are from Venus, Men from Anus' is the debut album and come back album by Paska. It was released in 2005. The album title is a parody of the popular psychology book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

The album was planned to be released on April 13, 2005, but was delayed because of internet piratism. The band wanted to be sure that digital pirate copies of the album had spread widely before official release. Vocalist Ari Peltonen has stated that there might not be anyone who wants to listen to the record, but one may still want to own a copy."

Uh…Ok…Can ANYONE record an album?  Listen to this song and it'll make you a believer just seconds before your brain explodes!  By the way, "Paska" is Finnish for "Shit."  Go figure...

So there you have it.  Rebecca Black's song is the audio equivalent of licking a dead man's butt crack, but as you can see, there's other stuff out there just as bad!  So let's back off the kid a bit, cut her some slack and just go Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah), Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah), Fun, fun, fun, fun...
Lookin’ forward to the weekend!

Why "Geeks On Caffeine" Disappeared...

That's the obvious question that has been in my e-mail box from readers since the onset of the new year. Well, since y’all have asked, I’ll break it down for you.

The main motivation for me walking away from “GOC” has been the overwhelming amount of negativity that’s been cast my way from those in online forums.  “GOC” cartoons, thanks to the dedication of my various online friends, has had links posted to it   in reddit.com, freerepublic.com, mixx, stumbleupon, and so on.  For their efforts, I thank them and apologize for not doing so earlier.  Occasionally, I visit these sites to see how the cartoon is faring and what I find is interesting. 

Readers of the cartoon have nothing to say but insulting, demeaning and nasty things about “GOC”.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big boy and can handle it.  I’m not crying in the least since that’s pretty much what I expected from critics of conservative viewpoints.

No you don't!

Reddit.com, for example, features the following “critical commentary”:

“Isn't this the nutty right wing propaganda comic where the guy projects his opinions through his characters in a pretty blatant way?” - Aleitheo

“I just checked out that...comic that the one Freeper was hawking, and...Holy shit is that a stupid and near-racist webcomic!” - jnjs

How something can be “near racist” is beyond me.  You’re either “racist” or your not!  Talk about a moronic criticism!  But wait, there’s more...

“I don't hate this guy because he is conservative/republican/what have you I hate this guy because his comic is one of the worst I have ever seen... and there are some bad ones out there. I think he thinks that because he thinks it is funny that others will find it funny but really it just shows that he has almost no sense of humor whatsoever and a mediocre drawing ability.” - warmpita

“Wow....these are really bad...horribly unfunny and bigoted shit.” - rstraigh

“It's not even ironically funny except on a meta level. You have to go through and pick out every lazy trope the creator hits and realize that the product and its message compare unfavorably even with comedy black holes like Prickly City. Everyone he disagrees with is ugly and shrill. Everyone he agrees with always gets the last word. There is no possibility that his politics, religion, ideology, or musical preferences are wrong. It's a clumsy trainwreck of Mary-Sue fantasy that the author probably sees as high satire.” - mindbleach

Wow...my poor, widdle feelings are hurt.  These examples of pseudo intellectual chicken scratch have brought tears to my eyes!  My ego is bruised beyond repair, and I shall now spend the rest of my life hiding from these bullies and sucking my thumb. 

Riiiight....

I sure wish just one of them would have taken the time to release themselves from their forum anonymity and e-mail me to refute points I made in the comics.  I’m asking too much perhaps, from those emboldened by the fact that they can hide behind some screen name and rant an opinion they do not back up with facts.  Such is life, but honestly, I’m sick and tired of being hit with the “name calling card” by these children disguised as adults.  One can only be labeled as a “racist”, “homophobe”, “xenophobe” and so on before it becomes tedious.  As a result, I have told the guy who posts my stuff to quit.  Why bother passing on links to my site to those who have nothing better to do than bash it because they are hard-left hive-minders?  It’s a profound waste of his time.

Interestingly on freerepublic.com, a forum many would consider a haven for a right-wing viewpoint, the reaction to “GOC” has been...well...just weird.  For the most part, “GOC” has been received well by those who roam its virtual halls, however, there are a few dictatorial posters and forum administrators with an oversized concept of self importance lurking on this site as well.  In their world, if someone posts a link to a “GOC” comic, it’s obviously moi “pimping my blog”.  Apparently, this is an impeachable offense on FR, and laughingly, one I’m not guilty of.  In their world, however, this fact means less than nothing.

With draconian posting rules!

Even more bizarre, freerepublic.com has a section called “Bloggers and Personal”.  Okay, that makes sense.  It’s a place to express personal opinions and link to blogs that spread a conservative message.  Right?  WRONG!  According to a post to the dude linking my stuff in, the FR admin writes:

 “Got a news flash for you, sport. FR does not exist for the purpose of driving traffic (read: revenue generation) to your, or anybody elses, blog. What we can do is pull threads from this blog if that will help.” - Admin

In a random sampling of links on the FR “Bloggers and Personal” section, I have found links for donations, google word ads, and banner ads for various goods and services.  So WTF are they coming down on links to “GOC” for?  They are chastising my friend for doing WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING!!  Talk about an incredible level of intellectual dishonesty! 

How about another example of draconian freerepublic nonsense? “Pookie 18”, one of the freepers who posted my toons, has run into problems with administrators at FR.  So much so, he has taken his daily cartoon postings elsewhere.  According to FR, he was posting copy written material, and in doing so, he was in violation of FR posting policy.  Pookie got permission from the authors of all these cartoons, including myself, to post the strips!  This act of respect for cartoonists means nothing to the FR admin numbskulls.  Nope.  Not a whit.  He was forced to take his postings to another site and THEN post to FR.  Apparently, this is OK with the FR admins, and is further evidence of their fractured, mindless posting rules. 

Interestingly, this policy they lord over Pookie has affected me directly, but the FR dopes are unwilling to do anything about it.  As I mentioned earlier, a friend of mine is posting “GOC” links to free republic, but with one caveat: I do not want the cartoons directly hotlinked through FR.  If people want to read the cartoon, I would prefer to have them click through to the site because yes, I try to make a couple of bucks off of it (AGAIN like all the OTHER bloggers in that freakin’ section!!).  One obnoxious freeper named “humblegunner” has decided to take it upon himself to hotlink in the cartoon.  Not because he particularly like what I offer, but because he has decided that what I asked for isn’t worthy of respecting. Others have joined in on this campaign.  These folks stand in direct contrast to Pookie, and really are nothing more than FR thugs. 

So what now?

I’m doubling down and pushing back on those jerks!

More on that NEXT week!!

UPDATE: 

As of today, freerepublic.com has eliminated the posting privileges of my friend.  It seems they are hypersensitive about being called out on their inconsistent posting policies.  What's more, after reading the comments associated with a post about this very article, it seems that the freepers cannot take criticism either.  

"The few cartoons that I saw were not funny or poignant and certainly not worthy of discussion.
It is funny to watch you and your buddy get your widdle feelings hurt though." - Eaker

"Case in point. The cartoons pimped by brycemax on this forum are the lamest crap you could ever imagine and bring no credit to the conservative cause or FreeRepublic." - shibumi

 Funniest of all, a cliche masquerading as cleverness:

"If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen." - mlocher

WOW! You dazzled me with your wit on that one!   Breathe through your mouth much?

Being able to stand the heat is not the issue at FR.  I can take what you dish out and more.  The removal of brymax's posting ability show that FR's "kitchen" is only for those who belong to a particular clique.  Here, only ONE recipe is followed, and any deviation from that in an attempt to do something different results in expulsion.

Oh, in fairness, I did make one error in the blog, and thanks to CharlesWayneCT for pointing that out.  Yep, I used the word "laud" instead of "lord" and he is correct in pointing that out.  Interesting that he does not refute the content of the article.  For your correction, I thank you.  For your lack of anything else in the way of a counter point, I find that typical.

One more thing, thanks also to icwhatudo for this post.:

"It is somewhat strange that a homosexual pro-hillary clinton website is welcomed at FR (hillbuzz) but blogs created by conservatives, properly posted in the blogger forum, get grief.
We all have to start somewhere. Drudge was just a blog. Malkin was just a blog. I wonder if they got the “stop pimping” warning back in the day."

Truth be told, icwhatudo is representative of the majority of people at freerepublic.  It is only a small, closed-minded minority that makes this forum disagreeable.  Thanks to those who have offered support in the past and who continue to do so outside of FR.

You know, the simplest thing all of you could have done is simply ignore the strip postings if "GOC" isn't your thing.  No harm no foul.  But the FR admin and thug freepers have revealed their true nature: they're hypocrites to the core!  You want everyone to march to your drumbeat, you are intellectually dishonest and you are just like liberals who believe that if you disagree with something, you should eliminate it.  

Freerepublic..."Protecting free speech"?  Seriously?  Not a chance.

Pathetic...